


it's my fault (because i love you)

by celeries



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-04-04 15:56:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4143741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeries/pseuds/celeries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Monty knew he shouldn't dwell on his feelings for Jasper because the chances they'd be each other's soulmates were 1-in-10,624,551.</p>
<p>(The only thing worse than the possible validation that Jasper wasn't meant for him was the thought of dating Jasper casually and then losing him after his 18th birthday.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's my fault (because i love you)

**Author's Note:**

> I really love soulmate AUs so I wanted to try my hand at one! I tried to keep it short but it got weirdly lengthy/angsty (a common theme I'm sensing with my fics lol). Thanks for reading. :)

Monty was 13 years old when he fell in love with Jasper.

 

* * *

 

(It wasn't a particularly spectacular moment or anything but, rather, during a moment that mimicked countless experiences they'd had before:

" _What were you thinking_?" Monty chastised Jasper, standing outside a classroom after recess detention, following a botched hacking-of-the-instructor's grades system earlier.

"You _know_ I can't let you take all the blame," Jasper rolled his eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh as if he'd rehearsed this same line over and over again.

"Your parents are gonna be so pissed. Next time a teacher thinks I did it _alone_ , let it _stay_ that way--"

"No."

" _Jasper_ \--"

"Monty! We'll be fine as long as we're together, you know?" Jasper smiled and touched Monty's shoulder gently, reassuringly, and suddenly Monty felt a shock run through him, originating at his shoulder, and he couldn't breathe, overcome by the sensation of his breath leaving him or, maybe, it got pushed out by the swelling of his heart beating faster and faster, blood rushing to his cheeks.

Monty didn't remember Jasper being that gentle or his smile being that charming before but when he remembered all the times Jasper was there for him--in scary situations, tough situations, when his grandma died, when kids bullied him, when the Ark started feeling claustrophobic, Jasper holding him when he needed to be held, staying with him until he fell asleep--it felt like fireworks in the shapes of butterflies exploded in his stomach.

And when Jasper nudged Monty affectionately to snap him out of his daze, Monty knew he was doomed because he'd just realized he was in love.)

 

* * *

 

It was seemingly pointless (to some) to date seriously before the age of 18. The minute someone turned 18 a mark would appear on them: the mark of a soulmate; a unique symbol that only matched one other person's mark. Falling in love before the age of 18 was a huge risk and, while some mismatched-marked couple stayed together, most of them couldn't get the mark out of their head and, inevitably, their mismatched-relationship would crash and burn.

Monty knew he shouldn't dwell on his feelings for Jasper because the chances they'd be each other's soulmates were 1-in-10,624,551.

(The only thing worse than the possible validation that Jasper wasn't meant for him was the thought of dating Jasper casually and then losing him after his 18th birthday.)

' _I don't love him_ ,' Monty told himself because if he told himself that enough times then maybe, _maybe_ it would come true and he wouldn't be disappointed in the inevitable failure that would result from a 1-in-10,624,551 chance, ' _I don't_.'

 

* * *

 

"What do you think about the whole 'soulmate' thing?" Jasper asked when they were 15.

(It'd been 2 years since Monty fell in love with Jasper, 2 years trying  _not_  to be in love with Jasper, 2 years of failing to fall out-of-love with Jasper, and 2 years trying to ignore the fact that soulmates existed.)

"What the hell, Jasper?" Monty asked weakly, running a fever, while Jasper was wiping his forehead gently with a wet washcloth.

"I'm just curious," Jasper replied, not looking Monty in the eyes.

"I don't know," Monty said (but Jasper weirdly looked serious so Monty decided to elaborate), "I'm not really excited about it," (Jasper stopped and when Monty looked at him, Jasper didn't return his gaze) "I mean... why do I need a soulmate when I have _you_ to take care of me?" he shifted his eyes nervously, realizing his strange joke sounded far too serious and suddenly he felt sicker and more delirious and he hoped, hoped, _hoped_ his feelings weren't as transparent as he felt.

"You're right," Jasper let out a breathy laugh, relaxing a bit (and Monty fake-laughed along with him, his body tensing up), "we'll be fine as long as we're together, right?"

Jasper winked (because of course he was joking; _he was always joking_ , right?) and Monty felt his face flush even more and he knew it wasn't his fever so he prayed his heart would calm down sometime before his 18th birthday.

 

* * *

 

When they were 16, Jasper started acting strange. Suddenly he had tons of research on the subject of soulmates: encyclopedic passages, news articles, forums experiences, both professional and nonprofessional essays, etc.

"This sucks," Jasper muttered under his breath as he shoved a bunch of material on his desk out of his way, "why can't we pick our own soulmate? We have no choice, it's not fair," he sighed and scratched at his head, running his hands through his hair in frustration, the fidgety movements setting off creaky noises from the old chair he was sitting on.

Monty looked at Jasper skeptically but remained quiet. The idea of a soulmate seemed weird to Monty if he thought about it enough (but he usually didn't) because it almost seemed like an infinite conundrum: on one hand, it sucked because--like Jasper said--they had no choice in the matter; on the other hand, shouldn't the person who ended up being their soulmate be the person they'd ultimately choose? That didn't make sense either, though, because unrequited love was real.

Monty sighed, frustrated over lack-of-control, disappointed by his inconvenient crush, and the inability to get over his feelings because it was obvious the only reason he couldn't wrap his head around the idea of a soulmate was because he couldn't imagine himself with anyone else except Jasper.

"Monty?" Jasper disrupted Monty's thoughts.

"Hm?" Monty blinked, making eye contact with Jasper (and he blushed pathetically).

"Let's just be each other's soulmates," Jasper said with enough ease to last Monty 57 lifetimes (and he swore at himself later, privately, over how Jasper's jokes consistently effected his heart rate).

"Ok, if you _want_ me to experience Death From Annoyance by the age of 17, sure, let's be soulmates," Monty replied in the most deadpan manner he could possibly muster.

Jasper laughed. "Sounds good. My short time with you would be worth every second," he smirked (annoyingly, cockily, charmingly) and Monty pushed him off his chair.

 

* * *

 

After that, Jasper became interested in casual dating and regularly asked people out. He was regularly rejected, too, and Monty wasn't sure why because if Jasper asked him out he'd say 'yes' in an instant because Jasper was funny, caring, sweet, smart, loyal, handsome, tall, and even though his hair was messy it was really soft, he smelled like cotton and cinnamon, and he was always really gentle and, wait, what this list for again? But maybe Monty actually wouldn't say 'yes' because even after 9,743 years, he'd never be fully prepared to date Jasper without the reassurance that they'd be together forever.

("Together forever" was an embarrassing phrase and Monty vowed never to use it again.)

' _I don't love him_ ,' Monty reminded himself as often as he remembered to because it'd been 3 1/2 years since Monty fell in love with Jasper and, as Jasper's best friend, he needed to be the one to encourage Jasper to flirt and casually ask people on dates as he pleased, ' _I don't_.'

 

* * *

 

"I met someone," Jasper said when he was 2 months away from his 18th birthday.

"Yeah? How bad did they turn you down?" Monty teased.

Jasper picked nervously at his sleeve and suddenly Monty forgot how to breathe and his heart beat wildly, sensing an impending doom.

"I think I'm gonna go out with her," Jasper said, "I mean-- her name is Maya. She asked me out and... and I said yeah."

Somewhere in space, a star exploded and created a planet but it wasn't actually a planet it was a black hole and Monty (figuratively) fell inside of it.

" _Oh_ ," Monty said awkwardly but his voice cracked and it felt like the black hole sucked out all his insides with a straw, leaving an empty, bottomless pit in the deep depths of his stomach, "she asked _you_ out? Did she lose a bet or something?"

Jasper punched Monty in the arm and laughed and Monty reminded himself that being in love with Jasper was stupid and pointless because even though he knew Jasper was up for casual dating he'd never actually had a date before; so this moment felt monumental and _important_ and had to mean _something_.

 

* * *

 

When Monty met Maya, he felt himself blush in embarrassment: she was beautiful, cute, nice (?), and friendly. There was an ache in the back of his heart that was only rivaled by the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that was telling him Maya was completely wrong for Jasper.

Monty chastised himself for even thinking about having sour feelings towards his best friend (who he shouldn't be in love with)'s girlfriend.

 

* * *

 

"Do you think Maya's my soulmate?" Jasper asked 5 days before his 18th birthday.

Jasper and Maya had been dating for 2 months and their relationship was running as strong as any 2-month-old relationship could but, at this moment, Jasper was staring at Monty intently: strangely serious, contemplative, a hint of worry?, and Monty tried to look away but he couldn't.

' _I don't love him_ ,' Monty reminded himself and he swallowed at the dry lump forming in his throat as he remembered Jasper doting on Maya, giving up his rations to buy her things, planning silly but charming dates for her, making her laugh, making her smile, the small kisses Maya gave Jasper on the cheek when she thought no one was looking, the way she played with his fingers while she held his hand.

"Do you _want_ her to be your soulmate?" Monty asked quietly and he bit his lip, worried he sounded as scared as he felt.

Jasper was silent for a second and in that 1 second Monty felt like he'd died 93 times.

"I guess. I mean, she's great, right?" Jasper finally said.

Monty felt like someone punched him in the stomach after being resurrected from 93 different black hole-related deaths. "Yeah," he managed to reply, "and she's hot. She's..." (he remembered the way Jasper smiled when he looked at her) "she's perfect."

"Yeah," Jasper breathed and nodded, laughing weakly, "yeah, you're right. I'm probably just nervous or something."

 

* * *

 

That night, Monty barely slept and, when he did, he dreamed about Jasper having 50 soulmates and none of them were him.

 

* * *

 

On his 18th birthday, Jasper proudly showed off his mark to Monty.

"Dude, look how badass this is!" he bragged, pulling at the collar of his shirt excitedly.

Jasper's mark was on his chest, by his heart, and was in the shape of a spear.

"I don't get it," Monty blinked, confused. He'd read about people on Earth using spears before but he'd never seen one on the Ark.

"Who cares! Hey, why don't you get a matching tattoo of it and we'll just say _we're_ soulmates," Jasper said with the biggest grin Monty'd ever seen him have and he nudged Monty in the side, affectionately and excitedly, then moved on to smacking his arm.

"Oh, right, because I _want_ Maya to hate me," Monty rolled his eyes as he expertly smacked Jasper's hands away from him.

" _C'mon_ , Monty," Jasper whined, "as long as we're together it'll be fine, right?"

And when Jasper leaned in closer to (probably) tickle him, Monty smacked at Jasper's hands again, trying to ignore the blush creeping up his neck.

 

* * *

 

If Monty had to pick the worst moment in his whole entire life, it'd be 3 weeks after Jasper's birthday: Maya's birthday and, correspondingly, 3 months and 3 days before his own birthday.

"Maya's mark matches mine," Jasper heaved between breaths after running to Monty's room and punching in the security code before even getting permission to enter.

"What?" Monty asked and he thought maybe he was dying because everything in his room except Jasper seemed to fade to black and the air gained 3,541 pounds and filled his lungs like rocks in a weakened plastic bag.

"Maya's mark matches mine," Jasper repeated (and suddenly Monty felt a stinging sensation shoot behind his eyes), "we're... I guess we're--" Jasper wiped sweat from his forehead and shut his eyes tiredly, "we're-- s-- shit, I shouldn't have run all the way here--" he tried to laugh nervously but his voice sounded coarse.

The room became blurry and Monty blinked and _blinked_ , trying to mask his panic, fighting the urge to cry because it'd been 5 years since he'd fallen in love with Jasper, 5 years he'd repeatedly told himself he didn't love Jasper, and 5 years he consistently failed to fall out-of-love with Jasper.

"Good," Monty choked out but it sounded more like an air bubble popping in his throat, "I mean, _great_ , that's--" (he couldn't breathe) "great! Congrats, man. I mean, congratulations, Jasper, I'm--" (he clenched his jaw because he started to forget how to speak) "I'm-- yeah, wow, that's great!" (he mentally punched himself because he couldn't remember the words "happy," "for," and "you")

Jasper stayed silent, still breathing hard, until he looked down at the ground, exhaled, and cleared his throat. "Yeah. Yeah, thanks. I'm... yeah. Thanks."

Jasper smiled and Monty felt dizzy, feeling overwhelmed with selfishness because this was _Jasper's_ moment, a beautiful moment, a moment of love and happiness and all Monty could do was focus on willing himself not to _cry_ (and there was no reason to cry because he'd been preparing for this moment for 5 years so he definitely, definitely, _definitely_ should _not_ feel heartbroken).

(He wasn't heartbroken.)

"I'm happy for you," Monty finally managed to say and he meant it because, in his opinion, Maya had to be _amazing_ to be worthy of being Jasper's soulmate, "you wanna celebrate? Or, er, I mean, you should celebrate with Maya, but maybe we can celebrate another day."

There was a strange silence.

Suddenly, Jasper made his way across the room and hugged Monty tight and Monty felt fireworks explode all over his body, emanating from Jasper's touch, and he tried to let all his lingering feelings melt away as he slowly, hesitantly hugged Jasper back.

"Don't hug me too long or Maya'll get jealous," Monty mumbled and he pushed Jasper off him (and he hoped his feelings were pushed out, too).

"It's ok," Jasper smiled, "I already told her you and me were always going to be together," he pinched Monty's cheek, his hand lingering a second too long, and Monty felt sick.

(He was heartbroken.)

 

* * *

 

For the next week Monty walked in a daze and when Jasper asked if he was ok, he lied and said 'yes.'

And for the next 3 months Monty became a great liar and he hated himself for it but tried not to think about it because it was pointless to dwell on things like that and he was happy as long as Jasper was happy.

 

* * *

 

(He didn't realize Jasper rarely smiled anymore.)

 

* * *

 

On his birthday, Monty managed to convince Jasper that his family wanted to spend time alone together.

"But I've always celebrated it with you," Jasper said quietly, his eyebrows knit in confusion.

"Sorry, dude," Monty smiled weakly, "don't wanna piss them off in case they got me a returnable gift."

Jasper's face softened and he ruffled Monty's hair. "Alright, but tell me what your mark looks like ASAP. I gotta know who my rival is--" (Monty punched his shoulder) " _ow_! I'm kidding!" Jasper rubbed his shoulder, "... for real though, lemme know, ok?"

"Yeah," Monty smiled (a mix of nervousness and defeat), "ok, I'll show you."

 

* * *

 

"Oh my god," Monty's eyes widened, "I can't show him this," he whispered because every last ounce of breath in his lungs left his body and he thought he'd pass out.

Monty stared into his mirror, staring at his reflection, horrified, mortified,  _confused_ , unsure of what was going on, ignoring the burning sensation on his chest.

He had turned 18 just 4 minutes ago and his mark had burned itself into his skin: right by his heart, in the shape of a spear.

_Right by his heart, in the shape of a spear._

"What the hell?  _What the hell_?!" Monty panicked and his heart threatened to leap out of his body and kamikaze into the nearest black hole. "I don't understand," Monty mumbled to himself as he clumsily pulled up databases on soulmates, searching for polyamorous relationships, mentions of multiple mark-matchings, repetitions of marks, more than 2 marks, threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes, anything, anything, _anything_.

His frantic researching came back with limited information: 1) polyamorous relationships existed but, still, there had never been reports of more than 2 people sharing the same, identical mark and 2) a mark could change to match someone else's mark if the original owner of the mark died.

_Died_!?

Monty dropped everything, ran out of his room, and dashed full speed to Jasper's room, punched in the security code, and busted into the Jordan family's common area, only to be greeted with a confused Jasper and Maya sitting on the couch, watching a movie (and Jasper's arm was around Maya and they were sitting close and comfortable and she was resting her head on his shoulder and _oh_ , they looked sweet and cute).

Wait, _what the hell_?

"Monty? What's wrong?" Jasper jumped up, making his way to Monty but Monty shook his head, gasping for air, trying to catch his breath.

"N-no, uh--" he stopped and rubbed the burning mark on his chest before exhaling (because thank god Jasper was alive, thank god Jasper _and_ Maya were alive), "it's just..." he trailed off because he realized if Jasper and Maya were alive and well it _definitely_ didn't explain why Monty's mark matched _both_ of them. He looked between Jasper and Maya, equally concerned, equally amazing people, equally amazing friends, equally beautiful and lovable and Monty knew proclaiming ' _I have the same mark!_ ' would sound weird and crazy and he couldn't risk making Jasper and Maya's relationship strange and strained.

What was he supposed to do when he was an unexplainable third wheel?

What was he supposed to do when his mark matched the person he'd been in love with for years who _already had a match_?

His head swirled and suddenly he felt nauseous. His mark matched Jasper's mark? Jasper. Jasper. _Jasper_. (He loved Jasper.) But Jasper had Maya. _Jasper was in love with Maya_. Maya had the same mark as Jasper. Jasper _and_ Maya--

Monty felt a sharp pain release from the mark on his chest and he stumbled over in surprise, in pain, all his stress rushing to his head and attacking his nervous system.

"Monty?!" he heard Jasper call out before he promptly passed out.

 

* * *

 

Monty spent the next few days in bed (after conveniently catching the flu but it made sense considering his immune system probably crashed and burned and died) and he used that as an excuse not to talk about his mark with Jasper. He wasn't sure what to do about the whole situation but he knew he couldn't--he _shouldn't_ \--say anything about it.

Jasper stayed at Monty's side the whole time, despite orders to stay away from his flu-contaminated best friend.

("Did something bad happen with your mark? Is it someone bad?" Jasper had asked once during Monty's sick-in-bed days. "No," Monty replied and that was all he said. That was all they both said and Jasper didn't press Monty for more information and Monty was thankful.)

When Jasper fell asleep sitting at Monty's bedside, Monty sighed and fought the urge to be closer to him: to touch his hair, his hands, lean against him, something, _anything_ , things they did a lot when they were younger.

' _I don't love him_ ,' Monty reminded himself for the first time since he turned 18 and for some reason it felt more painful than usual, ' _I don't_.'

 

* * *

 

Time moved slowly and Jasper and Monty went back to normal if "normal" meant Monty lying about his mark, fighting off feelings of love, and distancing himself from Jasper in a sort of natural way: he spent more time alone, reading, studying, and he let Jasper spend more time with Maya, as he should because they were _soulmates_.

Sometimes the mark on his chest would burn and it reminded him that he had no idea what was going on and he felt like he was losing control.

But it was ok.

It was ok because Jasper was happy.

(Right?)

 

* * *

 

"I miss you," Jasper said one day in the middle of the cafeteria as Monty picked up his rations.

"What?" Monty blinked at the unexpected sentiment.

Jasper's eyes widened as if he was surprised by the sentiment as well. "I, uh," he cleared his throat, "I mean, we don't spend that much time together anymore. I miss you, buddy," Jasper smiled and ruffled Monty's hair but instead of taking his hand away after, he let it fall to Monty's face, lingering for a second too long, and he brushed an eyelash off Monty's cheek.

Monty's heart threatened to explode and his eardrums pulsed from all the blood running to his head, coloring his entire face. "It's ok," he said, looking away, "I'm sure Maya's a better kisser than me." Monty stuck out his tongue and winked cheekily.

Jasper laughed and Monty's heart soared because Jasper's laugh was genuine and nice and affectionate. "Oh? Hey, let's test that theory--" Jasper giggled as he nudged himself against Monty and Monty promptly punched him in the stomach.

"Piss off, Jasper, I'm not a homewrecker!" Monty exclaimed between laughs and Jasper looked relaxed and content and maybe, for a second, Monty wondered if Jasper was ok because he realized this brand of relaxation and contentment was slightly different than what Monty had seen from him in a while.

(He liked it.)

(And later, when Monty asked if Jasper was ok, Jasper wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Monty rolled his eyes.)

(And that was when he knew he had to get rid of this excruciating one-sided crush and  _move on_ ; for Jasper's sake. For  _his_  sake.)

 

* * *

 

They went back to normal for real this time and the sparkle in Jasper's eyes when he was laughing and having fun with Monty far outweighed the slight ache in his heart and the slight burn radiating off his mark whenever Jasper was around.

 

* * *

 

It wasn't that Jasper was acting particularly weird, it just was that he wasn't acting _normal_.

Jasper gently grabbed Monty's arm and pressed him against the wall, leaning over him, close enough for him to feel Jasper's breath, see his heart beating behind his shirt, and to feel his own blush rising in his cheeks.

Well, ok, actually, Jasper was acting pretty _weird_.

"Jasper?" Monty swallowed nervously and Jasper looked at Monty for a second before bending his neck and resting his forehead on Monty's shoulder. "Are... are you ok? What happened?" Monty reached his arms around Jasper and rubbed his back comfortingly.

"Maya lied," Jasper mumbled.

Monty tensed up in shock and, for a second, he thought maybe he'd misheard Jasper. "What..? What do you--"

"She lied," Jasper repeated (and Monty felt Jasper's body tremor slightly), "we don't match. She faked the mark."

Monty's eyed widened, unable to process the situation, unable to process how any of this happened, unable to form words, stuck in an eternal limbo of confusion, distress, and empathetic depression because Jasper, _poor Jasper_ , and Monty felt an anger slowly building within him because _what the hell?_ but, also, could he really blame Maya for wanting to be Jasper's soulmate?

Monty held his breath. Oh shit. Oh, _shit_. That meant--

Monty stopped himself mid-thought and shook his head. Jasper. This was about _Jasper_.

"Jasper... Jasper, are you ok? I'm sorry. I'm sorry--" he started as he placed his hands on Jasper's shoulders, pushing him back slightly so he could see his face.

But when Jasper let himself be distanced and straightened up, Monty saw that his face had softened and he was smiling. Monty blinked in confusion: Jasper looked... relieved?

"It's ok," Jasper smiled (weirdly, affectionately, softly), "I'm ok with it."

And suddenly, the distance between them became small again and Jasper embraced Monty tightly, protectively, wonderfully, and Monty felt like he was home, or something equally stupid, because being with Jasper felt _right_.

_Too_ right.

Monty assessed the situation: Maya lied about her mark and, in actuality, did not match Jasper's mark. _He_ matched Jasper. _They_ had the same mark. (That was why Monty was the "third wheel," but, really, he _wasn't_.) Jasper was ok with Maya lying. He was ok with it? Monty repeated the phrase 'ok with it' in his head a few times. 'Ok with it' meant Jasper was ok with having mismatched marks. Jasper loved Maya. _Jasper was still in love with Maya_.

Monty held his breath and closed his eyes. ' _I'm ok with it, too_ ,' he repeated over-and-over in his head because it was ok, it was ok, _it was ok_  if Jasper loved someone else even though they were soulmates.

They were soulmates.

_Jasper_ and _Monty_ were _soulmates_.

There was a stinging sensation behind Monty's eyes and suddenly, overwhelmingly, there was a stinging sensation on his chest, where his mark was, and it felt like it was burning stronger than before, stronger than ever--

"Ow, shit!" Jasper sucked in his breath and pulled away, rubbing at his own chest (did he feel it, too?). "What the..?" He looked up at Monty, momentarily confused, his eyes widening, "Monty?! Monty, are you ok?!"

Monty didn't realize he was standing with his hand clutching at his burning chest, tears running down his cheeks.

"Monty--?!" Jasper was frantic and Monty felt like he was in a daze.

' _I'm ok with it_ ,' Monty thought to himself but he felt an awful mixture of pathetic, defeat, and sadness. "I'm ok," he managed to finally speak and, with a free hand, he wiped his tears, "sorry, I don't know what happened," he lied and gave his best lopsided smile, "what about you, are you ok?"

Jasper stared at him with wide eyes (and Monty didn't blame him after _that_ strange display of emotions) and suddenly put his hand over the hand Monty was still using to grip his chest. "What is it..?" Jasper asked hesitantly and Monty swallowed, his throat dry.

"Nothing," Monty said, pulling away slightly. His heart was pounding.

Jasper stepped closer and gently pulled Monty's hand away. "Can I see..?" he asked (strangely, weirdly, hopefully?, expectantly?).

Monty stayed frozen, overcome with a rising sense of anxiety. He shouldn't let Jasper see his mark, right? He shouldn't, because it'd ruin everything, but also he was _tired_ , tired of hiding, tired of lying, tired of being tired, but at the same time he knew those sentiments were selfish and stupid and--

Jasper pulled at the collar of Monty's shirt, lightly exposing his mark, and Monty felt like a weight was lifted and suddenly the room was 950 degrees cooler and Monty could _breathe_ again.

But his breath left him again when he saw Jasper's face: shocked, eyes wide and focused solely on the mark for what seemed an eternity, until he slowly made eye contact with Monty.

"You're..? You're my..." Jasper stuttered, his sentence trailing off into silence, and he went pale and Monty suddenly remembered _Maya_ and he panicked, pulling up his shirt frantically, covering himself, standing up straight, trying to look normal.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," Monty spit out, "I'm sorry, I--" he couldn't find the words he wanted to say but he knew all that mattered was _Jasper_ , "it's ok--" he tried to catch his breath, "it's ok, I read that people with mismatched marks stay together, it's possible, it's fine for you and Maya, if anyone can do it, it's  _you_ , you don't have to worry--" (suddenly tears formed in his eyes and he tried not to think about why) "don't worry about me because I'm--" (the tears started falling and he felt like an idiot) "I'm o-ok-- _ok_ with it--"

"Monty," Jasper said quietly and calmly (and Monty felt like the most transparent fool in the whole world).

"I'm sorry, Jasper," Monty shut his eyes tightly and rambled, "I'm sorry, it's my fault, _it's my fault_ , I just--"

Jasper cut him off. "Wait, what? What do you--"

" _Maybe_ \--" Monty's heart pounded in his ears so loud he couldn't think straight and he started spitting out words, "maybe it's my fault we're soulmates because I-- Jasper, I--" (he bit his lip) " _I love you_ \--" (he felt himself choke on his words) "I love you and I didn't stop because I _couldn't_ stop, I'm in love with you, I'm _sorry_ , I-- I promise it's ok if you stay with Maya, it's-- I--"

" _Monty_ ," Jasper said a little more urgently and he pressed his finger against Monty's mouth, making Monty stop babbling, and he cupped Monty's face in his hands and gently wiped away Monty's tears.

And suddenly Monty was being leaned against the wall again and Jasper pressed against him lightly, their bodies touching, Jasper still holding his face, and Jasper leaned in slowly, smoothly, softly, and kissed him.

Instead of the usual burning on his chest, Monty felt a surprising fluttery feeling, kind of like a nice cool breeze on a warm day, only his head was spinning and he felt light and airy and he forgot how to function properly because _Jasper was kissing him_. It felt refreshingly electrifying because Jasper's hands brushed against his neck, setting off an unexpected sensitivity, and Jasper's lips moved against his perfectly, warm and gentle and, when Monty relaxed into it and instinctively kissed him back, Monty felt him smile into the kiss as he pulled Monty closer, letting one of his arms wrap around Monty's waist.

When Jasper deepened the kiss, Monty reciprocated, grasping at Jasper's shirt, his face, his hair, until settling on lightly touching Jasper's neck, gently and affectionately playing with the ends of his hair, and Jasper sucked on Monty's lip (and Monty gasped, forgetting how to breathe) before pulling away and placing slow, tiny kisses on Monty's (warm, soft, pink) cheek.

"What..." Monty managed to breathe after a second, gazing at Jasper behind heavy eyelids, "what was--" he blinked away his daze, abruptly, suddenly, quickly, and he looked around frantically because he realized the situation and his figurative black hole reappeared and crashed down the world around him, "w-wait-- wait, why did you-- but _Maya_ \--"

"Monty," Jasper relaxed and he leaned his forehead against Monty's, "the only reason Maya told me she lied about her mark was because I broke up with her."

" _What_?" Monty felt his palms sweat and his face go hot, "You broke up with her _before_ knowing about..? Wait, _what_? Why?"

Jasper laughed and lifted Monty's chin to look at him better. "Because I'm in love with _you_ ," he said calmly and coolly with a (ridiculously annoying) smile, "it wasn't fair for me to date her but only think about you. It was always _you_ , Monty, you know? Me and you."

If there was a sound to describe the progression of Monty's feelings it'd be Jasper's voice whenever he said a variation of " _we'll be fine as long as we're together, right?_ " because everything around him would fall in slow-motion, quietly, dramatically, until there was an explosion so loud it couldn't be heard by human ears and all that would be left standing would be Jasper, since only Jasper would be stupid enough to break up with his unknowingly-lying-"soulmate" because he was in love with someone he thought _wasn't_ his soulmate.

"Monty?" Jasper waved his hand in front of an unresponsive Monty, "Monty? Hey."

In that moment, Monty was hit with a wave of relief: he showed his mark, he said his feelings, Jasper reciprocated his feelings--  _Jasper reciprocated his feelings_. So when Monty felt his eyes tear up again he knew it was because he felt overwhelmed with affection, his head swirling with thoughts of Jasper, sweet to the point of being brazen, and also because he knew now he was  _done_ ; done being tired, done pretending, and done trying not to be in love with Jasper.

So when Jasper smiled and kissed him again, Monty pulled him closer and deepened the kiss himself, taking Jasper for himself, letting Jasper be his, selfishly embracing him because Jasper was his soulmate.

There was a 1-in-10,624,551 chance that Jasper would be his soulmate and, somehow, he _was_.

**Author's Note:**

> Omg I can't believe I tortured my baby Monty for years in this fic. I am so sorry... I'm so sorry, Monty, my love, but I tried to make it obvious Jasper was in love with him too the whole time so I'm not sure who's to blame here. Lol. :')


End file.
